The Response-Able Parent Newsletter
January 1, 2005

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Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent, raising Response-Able children.

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MISSION STATEMENT

My mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including my own), by helping parents learn practical, useable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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IN THIS ISSUE

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1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Article: Explaining World Tragedy to Children
4. The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training
5. Did you know?
6. Schedule of Events

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1. Quote
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"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."

--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

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2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
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What if all your efforts to change this child will go for naught until you emotionally accept her the way she is?

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3. Article: Explaining World Tragedy to Children
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Explaining World Tragedy to Children

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Your 6 year old has just seen video of real children being washed out to sea. Your teen sits transfixed watching images of people clinging to trees, mothers wailing as they discover dead children in an endless line of unclaimed bodies, and babies crying hysterically for their mothers. At the dinner table your 5th grader asks, "Can anything like that happen to us, dad?"

How is a parent to respond? What should you say? What should you do? How do you deal with your child's fears without increasing them? Is it possible to reassure your child at a time when you, yourself, are horrified by the images of intense pain and grief you see in the hearts and on the faces of parents half way around the world?

Yes, you are filled with empathy for the survivors who have lost loved ones, homes, and jobs. Yes, you are extremely grateful that your children are safe in your comfortable home as the horrific images continue to flow onto your television screen. And yes, you can use this incredibly tragic situation to help your children learn lessons of love, compassion, and of the indestructible nature of the human spirit.

Once children have seen the images of tragedy and suffering it is necessary to debrief it with them. The sooner the better. By debriefing, we mean answering their questions, providing information, asking questions, and reflecting their feelings.

Provide the scientific information for which they are asking. Tell your children in age appropriate language what you know about how nature can create a tidal wave, tornado, hurricane, volcanic eruption or whatever the tragedy might be. Keep this part factual. You can even use books or magazines to assist you in providing information.

Tell your children the effects of the natural disaster. Talk about the destruction that was created as a result of nature's fury. This is a good time to make the connection between cause and effect. Limit what you say to what was seen on TV or directly questioned by your children. Too much information at this point can increase their fright and worry. The goal here is to be brief, accurate, and provide them with the specific information for which they are looking. If you fail to give them information, if you fail to debrief, children's brains will fill in the blanks. Better to fill in those gaps yourself with factual knowledge than to have your children fill them with their imaginations.

Concentrate on feelings. Your children will be seeing a wide variety of feelings expressed on TV. They will see sadness, panic, grief, relief, joy, depression, frustration and desperation, among others. In addition, they will personally be full of unexpressed and often unrecognized feelings.

When you sense they are feeling empathy, sadness, or pain, say so. Tell them, "You seem deeply saddened about this," or "You sound scared and frightened that this might happen to us." Children are starving for feeling recognition and this is a great time to supply it.

When strong emotion is shown on TV, honor it by talking about it. Mention the extreme sadness and grief that is shown there. Refrain from being an adult who ignores the grief of others and refuses to acknowledge it. Do not treat hurting human beings like they are invisible. Talk about your feelings. Tell your children about the sympathy, empathy, and pain you feel for the loss of others. Allow your children to hear and see you express feelings. In so doing, you are helping them acquire a feeling vocabulary that they can use their entire lives.

When you communicate your feelings and honor the feelings of your children for people around the world, you teach them important lessons about the human condition. You help them appreciate how we are all more alike than different. You help them see that we are all connected, no matter how distant we seem. You help them learn we are all one.

As you go through this debriefing process, encourage your children to look for the helpers. Helpers always come. There are always people who step forth to help. In the case of a major tragedy there will be many helpers, playing out a variety of roles. Point them out to your children. When small problems occur in their own lives they will have learned to look for the helpers. There are helpers at school, on the playground, in the mall, and on the highway when our car breaks down. Learn to look for helpers and they will be more likely to show up when you need them.

Discuss with your children how you as a family can be helpers during this tragedy. Perhaps you can send money, give blood, say prayers, send love, or call the Red Cross to see what kinds of items can be donated. Choose one or more ways to be helpers as a family and allow your children to help implement that strategy with you. Pray together. Let them observe as you give blood. Take them shopping for the toiletry items needed by the Red Cross. Let them help you address the envelope that sends the check. Get them involved in the process of being a helper. Let them see and be love in action.

Our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers go out to the families directly affected by the most recent tsunami. The scope and depth of the pain and heartache of catastrophic tragedies like this are not measurable. Yet, those same horrific events can be used for good if we help our children learn about feelings, looking for the helpers, appreciating the connectedness of all human beings, and the beauty of one heart reaching out to another across the continents. We can help them learn that around the world is a long way away and still very much a part of our neighborhood.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," (available from Personal Power Press at toll free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). Visit www.chickmoorman.com, www.thomashaller.com, and www.10commitments.net.

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4. The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training
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Do you want to make a difference in the lives of parents and children? Would you like to see children in your community, school, or church grow up feeling capable and responsible while holding themselves and others in high regard?

If so, please join us.

We are looking for interested adults to become local facilitators of the Parent Talk System's Language of Response-Able Parenting model.

Take a giant step toward being of service to the parents in your community, school, or church group by helping them learn effective verbal skills to use with their children.

This is your opportunity to join the growing number of people from around the world who have learned how to help parents raise responsible, caring, confident children.

You don't need to have a teaching degree. You don't even need to have experience presenting to groups. We will help you learn all you need to know to put the highly effective Parent Talk skills into the hands of parents in your church, school, or organization.

You will leave this three-day training with the skills and confidence to touch the hearts and minds of parents in your community!

Parent Talk System Training Schedule:

February 3-5, 2005
Grand Rapids, MI
Spring Arbor University

Facilitated by Chick Moorman and Sarah Knapp. Limited to 25 participants. Graduate credit available. To request a detailed brochure, email ipp57@aol.com. (Be sure to include your mailing address.)

Attention: Date change

April 7-9, 2005
Santa Barbara, CA
Sponsored by Mastery Life and Children of the New Earth Magazine
Facilitated by Chick Moorman. Limited to 25 participants. Request a brochure from Ivonne Delaflor, director of the Parent Talk System in Mexico and California, at idelaflor@cox.net.

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5. Did You Know?
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1.) We never give your email address to anyone, ever, for any reason.

2.) We now have trainers helping parents learn the Parent Talk System verbal skills in 14 states and 5 countries, including, Australia, Canada, Spain, and Mexico.

3.) Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are planning an Australian tour to promote their books and spread parent and educator skills to interested participants in July of 2006.

4.) The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose has been endorsed by The Children of the New Earth Magazine. We are proud to have their endorsement. Check them out at www.childrenofthenewearth.com.

5.) It is easy to get Thomas Haller or Chick Moorman to come to your church, school, or organization to make a presentation on one of their inspirational and practical parenting topics. You determine a date and place, contact ipp57@aol.com to book it, announce it to you people, pay Thomas or Chick their reasonable honorarium, and know you have taken an important step in strengthening families in your community.

6.) A portion of all sales of The 10 Commitments book goes towards supporting the Healing Acres Equine Retirement Ranch for horses. Check it out at www.healingacres.com.

7.) Children have more need of models than critics.

8.) March is Parenting Awareness Month.

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6.) Managing Your Subscription
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C.) Back issues of the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter can be found here.

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E.) Please recommend this free e-newsletter to any parent who is interested in adding tools to their parenting tool box.

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To find out more about workshops, seminars, and keynote addresses presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, contact them at (toll-free) 877-360-1477 or visit www.thomashaller.com or www.chickmoorman.com.

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Copyright 2005 Chick Moorman Seminars and Haller's Healing Minds, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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