The Response-Able Parent Newsletter
February 4, 2005

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MISSION STATEMENT

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Facts
5. Article: Charity Begins at Home
6. The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training
7. Did you know?
8. From the Book Shelf: The Positive Child
9. We Get Email
10. Schedule of Events

1. Quote

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance."

---Ruth E. Renkel

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Is there a parenting solution trying to find you today? Are you preventing it from arriving by assuming you already have it? Why nor let your solution go and see what arrives to take its place?

3. Bumper Sticker

Spotted on a Chevy Nova in New Orleans, LA

What would Scooby Do?

4. Facts

Children 6 and under spend an average of two hours a day viewing screened media.
That is way over the amount of time they spend reading or being read to.
One in four children under two, have a TV in their bedroom.
Children in "heavy" TV households are less likely to read.

-------Henry J. Kaiser Foundation study.

5. Article: Charity Begins At Home

Charity Begins at Home

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

" Mom, we've got to have a family meeting. We need to vote. We have to give our charity money to the children. We have to send it right away."

Those excited words were uttered by eight-year-old Madison Willow, who was moved to action by viewing the tragic outcomes resulting from the recent Asian tsunami. Madison, like millions of people from around the world, had been touched by the suffering, loss, and grief of the survivors she saw on TV. But unlike many of the people who extended heartfelt charity during this special time of extreme need, Madison has experienced a regular pattern of charity in her young life that has helped her view the process of giving as more than a crisis-oriented activity.

A family meeting was indeed called by Madison's parents following her emotional outburst. It was convened to discuss the family charity jar that sits tucked away in the kitchen, hidden at the rear of the canned vegetable shelf.

" I know it's not time to decide who gets our charity money, but this is an emergency," Madison explained to her parents and two younger brothers. No one in the Willow family needed convincing. They had all seen the dramatic television images of leveled homes, overturned cars, and the search for missing persons. They had watched as mothers cried for their dead children, fathers sat in stunned silence, and children wandered aimlessly, looking for evidence of anything familiar. It took less than 10 minutes for the Willows to vote to send the 47 dollars and 58 cents they had accumulated to the Red Cross to help the survivors of the tsunami.

Robert and Tammy Willow believe that giving is important. They also believe that teaching their children about giving is equally important. That's why they began the charity jar in the first place. That's why it occupies an important place in their Sunday night ritual.

Each Sunday night during their family meeting, the Willows distribute allowances to their children. The youngsters are invited to contribute some of their allowance to the charity jar. If or how much they contribute is up to each individual. Robert and Tammy model the importance of giving by adding a portion of their own money each week.

When the contents of the jar exceed one hundred dollars, the family decides together on a charity to receive the money. One winter the Willow family bought gloves and donated them to the Salvation Army. On another occasion, they adopted a whale. In the past three years they've purchased a winter coat as part of the " coats for kids" program, obtained and wore Lance Armstrong cancer bracelets, and made a donation to a local retirement ranch for abused horses.

At this hastily called family summit, the Willows easily reached consensus on what to do with the charity money. But the unanimous decision to send the contents of the charity jar to the Red Cross did not end the learning experience for Madison and her brothers. They helped count the money. They watched as their mother wrote the check. Madison addressed the envelope. One of the boys added the stamp. The other licked the envelope. All went to the post office to place their contribution in the drop box. All prayed together as Mr. Willow asked that the money be used for the greater good of all concerned.

This time the Willows' charity would be sent halfway around the world to people they would never see. It would be used in places they would never visit. It would affect lives in ways they would never know.

Yet giving has many dimensions, some obvious, some not. The Willow family gave the money for the benefit of others, but in the process they gave themselves a deep sense of satisfaction. They gave other people's children hope while simultaneously giving their own children lessons on the importance of generosity and charity. They gave others an invitation to open their hearts while giving their children lessons on how to open their own. They helped their children experience first-hand the important concept that giving and receiving are one.

Charity, as demonstrated by the Willows, clearly begins at home.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose (available from Personal Power Press at toll-free 877-360-1477, amazon.com, and bookstores everywhere). Visit www.thomashaller.com, www.chickmoorman.com, and www.10commitments.net.

6. The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training

We are looking for interested adults to become local facilitators of the Parent Talk System's Language of Response-Able Parenting model.

Take a giant step toward being of service to the parents in your community, school, or church group by helping them learn effective verbal skills to use with their children.

You don't need to have a teaching degree. You don't even need to have experience presenting to groups. We will help you learn all you need to know to put the highly effective Parent Talk skills into the hands of parents in your church, school, or organization.

You will leave this three-day training with the skills and confidence to touch the hearts and minds of parents in your community!

April 7-9, 2005
Santa Barbara, CA
Sponsored by Mastery Life and Children of the New Earth Magazine

Facilitated by Chick Moorman. Limited to 35 participants. Request a brochure from Ivonne Delaflor, director of the Parent Talk System in Mexico and California, at idelaflor@cox.net.

7. Did You Know?

1. We never give your email address to anyone, ever, for any reason.

2. We now have trainers helping parents learn the Parent Talk System verbal skills in 14 states and 5 countries, including, Australia, Canada, Spain, and Mexico.

3. A child is watching.

4. We have a sister publication for educators. You can subscribe to it at ipp57@aol.com.

5. It is easy to get Thomas Haller or Chick Moorman to come to your church, school, or organization to make a presentation on one of their inspirational and practical parenting topics. You determine a date and place, contact Thomas at Thomas@thomashaller.com or Chick at ipp57@aol.com to book it, announce it to you people, pay Thomas or Chick their reasonable honorarium, and know you have taken an important step in strengthening families in your community.

6.. You can find many more parenting articles and resources at www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com.

7. Our newest book, The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose sold over 2000 copies in the first three weeks. Buy it at Amazon.com!

8. Parenting is for a lifetime.

8. From the Book Shelf: The Positive Child

The Positive Child: Through the Language of Love by Ivonne Delaflor is a book we highly recommend. This book is a major shift in perception in what it means to be an effective parent in today's world. The Positive Child offers new ways to look at our children and our influence in their lives---through the eyes of love. In addition to addressing how to raise a positive child, this book also asks parents to change their consciousness as they read and implement the strategies.

The Positive Child demonstrates how to hold a child in a state of grace as you teach lessons, offer positive discipline, and model effective communication. It explains how to hold yourself in a state of grace as you parent, make mistakes, and learn lessons. The Positive Child is a work of love about love, concerning love. We loved it and think you will too.

Buy it at Amazon.com! The Positive Child (TM) : Through the Language of Love

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

9. We Get Email

Hi,

This is a worried mother who is asking for help. My daughter is 6 years old. She lacks self-confidence, doesn't take initiative, and is always scared to start off new things. Her initial reaction to every new thing is to start crying and making excuses. She says, " I can't do it." She is a loving and caring child, but she has developed this habit and I am really worried about her development as an independent individual in this era of tough competition.

Would really appreciate your guidance.

Best regards,

A Worried Mother

Dear Worried Mother,

Your daughter has lots of time to grow and mature. At this point, we suggest you do not push her to do new things unless she shows an interest. Give her lots of opportunities to do the things she is already good at. Confidence comes from doing things well. Focus on her strengths for now. Give her choices about whether or not to attempt new things. Let it be her idea when and how to move forward and challenge herself.

If she lacks skills, take the time to teach her the skills if she desires. Encourage her without pushing your agenda. Let her choose not to participate if that is her desire.

Appreciate all the things she does well. Enjoy her being six.

Be careful how you use the words always, never, and every. When you use Parent Talk like you did in your email, you brand your child as that way. Children that see themselves a certain way are more likely to act that way. When you use always, never, and every, you actually reinforce the behavior you want to eliminate.

Hope you find these suggestions helpful,

Sincerely,